First things first. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Casey. I am sarcastic, sassy, compassionate, caring, charismatic, supportive, a guys' girl, proud, energetic, approachable, supportive, motivated, intelligent and quick witted. I love puppies, Gerber daisies (but they die so quickly - bummer!), my family and friends and helping people; creating any impact on any individual life at all is such a true blessing. That's why I'm here.
Recently, it's come to my attention that there are some girls out there needing a little boost and a helping hand to be who they really are. I want to empower women to be who they truly are and get them to stop pretending to be who they think they should be or who they think other people want them to be. It's way too much work, especially when you're already fabulous to begin with (whether you know it or not); you just don't know what to do with all that raw, untapped potential! Women - all women - are beautiful creatures to be loved and adored. And they all want that, but sometimes they get in their own way.
I wrote a few paragraphs for one of my girlfriends today about herself for an online dating profile (yes, I helped her cheat on her life term paper) after listening to her talk for 5 seconds about herself. She rattled all of these qualities off about herself that were really great qualities about her and I decided that what she'd said was a desperate cry out to the universe "This is who I really am, why can't I show it?!" I sat down at the keyboard and put them into a paragraph for her. I read what I'd come up with back to her and she was thrilled. I could hear it in her voice that she felt like I'd really captured her; the her she wants to scream about from the rooftops to people that don't know her, but she doesn't know how. She told me that I'd worded the good things about her and what she's looking for in a way that made it unobtrusive within the rest of the text. I told her the key is to not scare away the fishies with words that make her seem standoffish or unobtainable. She's on a dating site. She wants to find a man. Stop telling them that they're never going to be good enough!
Connotation is huge with men. The feelings of words and the first impression those give off can make it or break it for you. She had written that she was "old-fashioned". I groaned. She said she saw no problem with it, because she felt she was, in fact, old-fashioned. I told her it made it sound like she was at home with all her cats, crocheting. She rebutted "I don't even have cats!"...Not the point. I didn't want to be blunt, but there was more to it than that. She said, "well, are you a guy?!" I said, "yes, practically, just with breasts; it's very awkward," with a slight smirk creeping into the corners of my mouth. She wasn't buying it and wanted to know how I knew that guys would interpret it badly. I walked out of the room immediately and grabbed the first two guys I saw and asked them what connotation it had when a girl said she was "old-fashioned". Trying to be polite, they responded that it depends. I tried to get past the bullshit that society requires of them as gentlemen as quickly as possible and asked if they'd want to go out with a girl that described herself that way and what it made them think about her. They listed off about two things and got to the jackpot.
"Doesn't believe in premarital sex".
Bingo.
I'm not saying a girl should or should not engage in premarital sex, whatsoever. I don't support or oppose those actions, especially not in this public forum; however, that says to a guy "I will never let you touch me ever, anywhere or any time; you might as well slap a nun's habit on my head, because that's as far as you're getting, buddy". This, no matter what you think, is NOT what you want them to think when making their first assessment of you.
I retooled what she said to instead say that she prided herself in being the girl you would want to take home to the parents. Guys get it without it being quite so abrasive. The idea is to maximize potential by being, as a person, as open to interpretation as possible. You don't want to scare away the fish before you even have a chance to bait the hook. Too much extended metaphor? Perhaps...Wrong crowd... But I think you still get my point.
Lesson of the day. Don't limit yourself by putting too much of the wrong message out there.
See you soon...
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